To err is human.  To admit it is a blunder.
To err is human.  To blame someone else for your errors is even more human.
To err is human.  To forgive is unusual.
To err is human; to forgive is not company policy.
To get it done:  do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
Success has a thousand fathers, but failure is an orphan
Tact - changing the subject without changing the mind
What you are, not what you have, is what makes you rich
Wrinkles are sure signs of where smiles have been
Early to bed - makes you healthy, wealthy and boring
Youth isn't a time of life but a state of mind
Atheist...a man with no invisible means of support
Careful!!...you may be the only bible some people ever read
Get even...with the people that have helped you
Humorists...those who can talk sensibly about a controversy
The world's full of cactus, but you don't have to sit on it
Jealousy...all the fun you think they have
Laughter...the no side effect tranquilizer
Solitude..a great place to visit, but a bad place to stay
Feel good? don't worry, you'll get over it
Do it today, tomorrow it will be bad for your health or illegal
Expert - anyone from out of town
Hot dogs are best when served with a ballgame
Nothing makes a vacation seem better then hindsight
Plastic packaged foods are very uncanny
Second chances aren't usually associated with first impressions
Silence cannot be misquoted
Why does bread always fall butter side down?
A second class effort is a first class mistake.
If you itch for it, scratch for it
Real joy comes from doing something worthwhile
Wise men change their minds, fools never
A great idea needs landing gear, not just wings.
Fact - red lights always last longer then green ones
Great minds discuss ideas; small ones, people
You're old when you forget how to start your rocking chair
A fault recognized is half corrected
All people smile in the same language.
Babies are god's opinion that the world should go on
Behind every successful woman - herself
Behind every successful man - a surprised mother-in-law
Build something foolproof and every fool will use it
Can you remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty?
Can't underestimate the power of fear
Clones are people two
Cutting remarks don't cut any ice
Difference between a house and a home - a family
Drive carefully, death is so permanent
Every time i lose weight, it finds me again
Experience should be a guide post, but not a hitching post
If your feet smell and your nose runs, you were built upside down
If you see an onion ring...answer it
If you aren't going all the way, why go at all?
It's easier to do good then be good
No good deed goes unpunished
Old is needing a fire permit for your birthday cake
Old age needs so little, but it needs that little so much
Pilots are just plane folks
Postmen never die, they just lose their zip
The rooster may crow, but the hen delivers
The greatest ability is dependability
The greatest man in history was the poorest
The greatest pleasure - doing what they said couldn't be done
To every exception there is a rule
What you enjoy is much more important then what you have
Winners never quit and quitters never win
You can lead a horse to water, and if he walks on it patent him
Drilling for oil is boring
In case of fire....yell "fire"
We learn from history that we don't learn from history
Don't judge a book by its movie
Everything goes on sale ... right after you buy it
Everything going good? you must have overlooked something
Everything hurts .. and what doesn't don't work
Everything coming your way? you're in the wrong lane!
Interchangeable parts ... don't
Stalin's grave was a communist plot
What i ought to do, i can; if i can, why don't i?
When you get what you want you don't want it as much
Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
Doing nothing makes you tired 'cause you can't take a break
Home is the nicest place you will ever go
Lose weight - eat stuff you hate
Lose weight - put a scale in front of the 'fridge
Talk is cheap unless you hire a lawyer
Teachers have class
To do nothing is in every man's power
When faith and hope fail try charity - it's love in action
You are what you eat, so Euelle Gibbons was a nut
A father is a banker provided by nature.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
A career is a job that takes about 20 more hours a week.
An authority knows lots of things you don't care about
Bad luck is being run over by the welcome wagon
Beer bellies = great waist
Everyone is entitled to my opinion
Friction is a drag
Idealism increases in proportion to the distance from the problem
If you think you have no faults, that makes one
Kindness is like a boomerang - it always comes back
Laetrile is the pits
Teamwork is vital..it gives you someone to blame
Tell a child he got 1 right, not 99 wrong
Thinking is wise, planning is better, doing is best
To error is human, to blame it on someone else is more human
When all is said and done more will be said then done
When talking nonsense try not to be serious
Ever think about the fact that thorn bushes have roses?
Expert - knows tomorrow why today's prediction failed
Raise ducks for a quack profit
When you kill time you murder success
Careful planning will never replace dumb luck
He who tells you how great he is usually isn't
Laughter lube's life's engine
Life and liberty are safe only when congress is in recess
Money is like a promise, easier made then kept
Most people raise their voice rather then reinforcing their point
Only a ballplayer's errors are published every day
Some people are educated beyond their intelligence
Some people believe anything if you whisper it
Some people aren't hard of hearing, but hard of listening
To get a loan you must prove you don't need it
When people share their fears with you, share your courage back
When people share their fears with you, share some courage
Xerox - all they ever do is copy
You can always find what you are not looking for
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Don't be mad about growing old, some aren't that lucky
Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it
Make the most of the best and the least of the worst
Men have many faults, women only two, all they say and all they do
Practice makes perfect, but no one's perfect, so why practice?
Practiss makes perfict
Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius
Compassion is the basis of all morality
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career
Do your knees buckle, but not your belt?
Grass is nature's way of saying high
If you want to cheer up, cheer up someone
Life is only understood backward, but must be lived forward
No one can get ahead of you when they're kicking you in the rear
Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses
Procrastination - the art of keeping up with yesterday
Put your nose to the grindstone and you're a bloody fool
Rubber bands have snappy endings
Say nothing and they think your stupid.. talk and they know for sure
Wisdom.. knowing what to do with what you know
You will never be younger then you are today... and vise versa
A small good deed is better then the grandest intention.
Forgive your enemies but never forget their names
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate
He who knows all the answers never gets asked the questions
How can you avoid hurting someone's feelings without being a liar?
Lawyers work in their briefs
Loan someone a sympathetic ear
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses
People should be measured in feats, not feet
Roll up your sleeves...and you won't lose your shirt
Smile..people will wonder what you've been up to
Stepping on people's toes messes up their shine
Swallow your pride, it is non-fattening
The cost of feathers is higher, that makes down up
There's no fool like an old fool, 'cause he's experienced
Too much of a good thing can be wonderful
Want to forget all your troubles? wear tight shoes
When in doubt, mumble
When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing
Whoever rows the boat doesn't have time to rock it
Why are today's rough times always tomorrow's good old days?
Judge people by what they are, not where they are
Never slap a child in the face - there are plenty of places
Why do expenses always rise to meet income?
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience
Farmers are just plain folks
Friends are people you can be quiet with
Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness the poison
Gravity brings you down
Great beer bellies are made, not born
One lie or one peanut...one leads to another
Plow a straight furrow and you're in a rut
The longer you keep your temper the better it will get
The harder you work the luckier you get
The difference between ideas and results is a good manager
Things work better if you plug them in
Where there's a will, there's inheritance tax
Why are creditor's memories better then debtors?
A pessimist complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.
A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight.
All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare.
An optimist laughs to forget..a pessimist forgets to laugh.
Astronauts are out to launch
Carpenters are just plane folks
Courage is fear that said its prayers
Failure is never fatal and success is never final
Freedom is doing what you like, happiness liking what you do
He who hesitates is last
If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
If at first you don't succeed, you'll get lots of advice
Loafer - someone trying to make two weekends meet
Nothing is sometimes the best thing to say
Only fools say it can't be done
Power does not corrupt fools, but fools corrupt power
Some of us quit looking for work when we find a job
Success is not permanent, neither is failure
Take an astronaut to launch
The most solid stone is the lowest one in the foundation
The only short meetings are when no one shows up
Wanna do something big? pick up a boulder
What you see can depend on what you look for
Anything that can go wrong will
Avoid criticism - say, do and be nothing
Do unto others as though you were the other
Do unto others before they undo you
Don't waste the whole day, laugh at least once
Eat yogurt and get culture
Fellow with closed mind often has open mouth
Have you tried on your smile today?
I wouldn't mind being poor if i had lots of money
If it is to be, it is up to me
It is better to be wise then to be smart
It isn't the whistle that moves the train
It's sweet to be remembered, but cheaper to be forgotten
Its hard to be graceful getting off your high horse
Light at the end of the tunnel? look out for that train
Money is the root of all wealth
Money is the root of all evil, but man needs roots
Only adults have trouble with child-proof bottles
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues
Smile ... things can always get worse
The best time to buy anything is last year
Today is the first day of the rest of your life
Dyslexics of the world untie.
Where in the world does the guy who has everything put it?
If Alabama couple get a divorce, are they still brother and sister?
Why does the other line always move faster?
Every minute you are angry wastes 60 happy seconds
God give us relatives, but let us choose our friends
Handle yourself with your head, handle others with your heart
He who laughs last is probably your boss
He who laughs last didn't get the joke
Mad at your neighbor? buy his kid a drum!
Reduce your IOU to IRS with an IRA.
Respect must be earned, not commanded
Why do you always find something in the last place you look?
Win without boasting and lose without excuse
If you love life, it will love you back
Make a living, but make room for life
Prunes give you a run for your money
The best vacations are spent near the budget
Theres never time to do it right, only time to do it over
You'll never get dizzy doing a good turn
Cole's law - thinly sliced cabbage
Do you always hit the nail right on the thumb?
Pray for what you want but work for what you need
Pride is what we have...vanity is what others have
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn
The less you have to do, the less time you find to do it in
Cluttered desk = cluttered mind / empty desk = empty ______?
Diplomacy is the art of giving others your way
Age isn't important unless you're a cheese.
Be alert, america needs more lerts
Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way
After all is said and done, usually more is said then done.
Cultivate happiness and it becomes a habit
An expert has a great reason for guessing wrong
Chicken - the egg's way of making more eggs
Beware of dark rooms ... they might be the morgue
Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it
Does your back go out more than you do?
Don't get discouraged...no one is perfickt
A bird in hand is better then one overhead.
Blame St. Andreas - it's his fault
Dangerous exercise - jumping to conclusions
A diamond is just a lump of coal that made good under pressure
Don't let school interfere with your education
Ever just seem to not be able to get around to procrastinating?
Ever wish you had a copy of tomorrow's newspaper?
Ever stop to think and then forget to start again?
Every man has a scheme that absolutely won't work
If u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a drn!
Happiness is wanting what you have
If you've got part of it, flaunt that part
If nobody measures up, check your yardstick
It's hard to be humble when you are so perfect
It's easy to suggest the solution when you don't know the problem
It's hard to fly with eagles when you work with turkeys
Keep your words soft and sweet, in case you have to eat them
Knowledge is knowing that you don't know
Leakproof seals ... do
Life is a horse, either you ride it or it rides you
Minds are like parachutes..they only work when they're open
Musicians are just playin' folks
Never put off to tomorrow what you can avoid altogether
Never hit a man with glasses...use your fist
Never lie unless you have an awfully good memory
Old frogs never die...but they do croak
Old age = you + 20 years
Part-time musicians are semiconductors
Short cut ... the longest distance between two points
Sometimes let things happen but sometimes make things happen
Sure fire diet, swallowing pride
Tailgater - one who makes ends meet
Tax forms should read "income owed us" and "in commode you"
The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish
Those who do the most usually demand the least
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead
To regret nothing is the beginning of wisdom
To err is human, to forgive is unusual
Unwritten laws can not be erased
Well done is better then well said
You never "find" time, but you can always "make" it
Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address.
Those who like sausages and the law had better not watch either one being made.
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
To make a small fortune in the commodities market, start with a large fortune.
Tragedy:  a busload of lawyers driving off a cliff with three empty seats.
Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.
Wherever you go, there you are.
The more you say, the less people remember.
When money talks there are few interruptions.
Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question...  or is it?
To you I am an atheist; to God, I'm the loyal opposition.
Today is a good day to bribe a high ranking public official.
Toe:  a part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
To be safe, make a copy of everything before you destroy it.
Tuesday after lunch is the cosmic time of the week.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students.
To keep milk from turning sour, you should keep it in the cow.
Too much is not enough.
Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
Two can live as cheaply as one for half as long.
Two cars in every pot and a chicken in every garage.
Under capitalism, man exploits man.  under communism, it is just the opposite.
To generalize is to be an idiot.
Tomorrow looks like a good day to sleep in.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Apart from the unknowns, everything is obvious.
Expert: an x is an unknown, a spurt is a drip under pressure, so an expert is some unknown drip under pressure.
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
Time is an illusion; lunchtime doubly so.
Anyone can admit they were wrong; the true test is admitting it to someone else.
Anyone can make an omelet with eggs.  the trick is to make one with none.
Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in LA.
Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
Try the moo shu pork. It is especially good today.
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
Anyone who makes an absolute statement is a fool.
Twenty percent of zero is better than nothing.
Under every stone lurks a politician.
Time flies like an arrow.  fruit flies like a banana.
Time flies when you don't know what you are doing.
Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
Today is the last day of the past of your life.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Truth is the most valuable thing we have, so let us economize it.
Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
Two is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.
Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
Unauthorized fornication with this equipment is disallowed.

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