PmUBQy @ @"Data.app@=@`=`@ Table1 Laws: d"Subject: d@7.D{₆nDIf you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.Murphy's Laws on combat7Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.Murphy's Laws on combat Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.0The Real Error Messages, Excuses and Definitions2Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..0The Real Error Messages, Excuses and Definitions9Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"0The Real Error Messages, Excuses and Definitions3Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.0The Real Error Messages, Excuses and Definitions&Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)0The Real Error Messages, Excuses and Definitions+... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)0The Real Error Messages, Excuses and Definitions8Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...0The Real Error Messages, Excuses and Definitions2Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS0The Real Error Messages, Excuses and Definitions9BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!0The Real Error Messages, Excuses and Definitions DOS=HIGH, and so are it's users.0The Real Error Messages, Excuses and DefinitionsVIn Win95 you can start a DOS-box; but how the hell do you start a Win95-box under DOS?0The Real Error Messages, Excuses and Definitions)ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!How user interaction should be)Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue ...How user interaction should beIE tQ-*Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!How user interaction should be3Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)How user interaction should beHit any user to continue.How user interaction should be-(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?How user interaction should be(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?How user interaction should be+Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....How user interaction should be.Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...How user interaction should be"Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!How user interaction should be;Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compressionHow user interaction should be1Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?How user interaction should befIf debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.+The True Definitions of the Computing World]Real programmers don't document. "If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand."+The True Definitions of the Computing World*2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.+The True Definitions of the Computing World7As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.+The True Definitions of the Computing World5Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny.+The True Definitions of the Computing World E ެr}1A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.+The True Definitions of the Computing World1Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.+The True Definitions of the Computing World>My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.+The True Definitions of the Computing WorldAThe Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.+The True Definitions of the Computing World(Windows: Just another pane in the glass.+The True Definitions of the Computing World,RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.+The True Definitions of the Computing World%All computers wait at the same speed.Online Happenings6Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?Online Happenings.2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!Online HappeningsNothing is as easy as it looks.Murphy's Laws on general topics'Everything takes longer than you think.Murphy's Laws on general topics)Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.Murphy's Laws on general topics}If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.Murphy's Laws on general topicsSCorollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.Murphy's Laws on general topicsE}Νh꾼jYYou will always forget to disable call waiting when connected to a pay-by-the-minute BBS."Murphy's Laws on the on-line worldHA truly great BBS is either illegal, immoral, or long distance from you."Murphy's Laws on the on-line worldzIf a file takes more than 30 minutes to download, someone in your house will pick up the phone within the last 15 seconds."Murphy's Laws on the on-line worldBNo matter how neutral the topic, your message will offend SOMEONE."Murphy's Laws on the on-line worldThe first time you forget to scan your file downloads for viruses will be the first time in your life you'll actually get a virus."Murphy's Laws on the on-line worldVNobody you talk to online is ever as wealthy, smart, or beautiful as they claim to be."Murphy's Laws on the on-line worldAll the good ones are taken.Murphy's Laws on love9If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1)Murphy's Laws on love9The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.Murphy's Laws on love*Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.Murphy's Laws on love]The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.Murphy's Laws on loveGMoney can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.Murphy's Laws on loveFThe best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it.Murphy's Laws on love-Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.Murphy's Laws on loveNice guys(girls) finish last.Murphy's Laws on lovevGڴIq̍9KMurphy's Constant: Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its valueMurphy's Laws on general topics8Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.Murphy's Laws on general topicsJIt is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingeniousMurphy's Laws on general topicspLaw of the Perversity of Nature: You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.Murphy's Laws on general topicszCorollary: The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.Murphy's Laws on general topicsDYou can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.Murphy's Laws on technologyOLogic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.Murphy's Laws on technologyWhenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.Murphy's Laws on technologyHTechnology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.Murphy's Laws on technologyIf builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.Murphy's Laws on technologybThe opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.Murphy's Laws on technologyGThe attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.Murphy's Laws on technologypAn expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.Murphy's Laws on technologyTell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.Murphy's Laws on technology*All great discoveries are made by mistake.Murphy's Laws on technologyFfҚm0Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.Murphy's Laws on technology5Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.Murphy's Laws on technologyAll's well that ends.Murphy's Laws on technologyKA meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.Murphy's Laws on technology/The first myth of management is that it exists.Murphy's Laws on technologyBA failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.Murphy's Laws on technology"New systems generate new problems.Murphy's Laws on technologyBTo err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.Murphy's Laws on technology:We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.Murphy's Laws on technology-Any given program, when running, is obsolete.Murphy's Laws on technologyEAny sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.Murphy's Laws on technologyQA computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.Murphy's Laws on technologyRNothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work.Murphy's Laws on technologyaSome people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.Murphy's Laws on technology}The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.Murphy's Laws on technology^To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.Murphy's Laws on technologyGeECAfter all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.Murphy's Laws on technologyAny circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.Murphy's Laws on technology`A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.Murphy's Laws on technology[If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.Murphy's Laws on technology{Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.Murphy's Laws on technology]Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File".Murphy's Laws on technologyUnder the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.Murphy's Laws on technology6If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.Murphy's Laws on technologyhThe more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.Murphy's Laws on technologyIn designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totalled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.Murphy's Laws on technologyBFill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.Murphy's Laws on technology?All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.Murphy's Laws on technology'The only perfect science is hind-sight.Murphy's Laws on technology:Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.Murphy's Laws on technology.If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.Murphy's Laws on technology1If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.Murphy's Laws on technologyLIiʶA%9+When all else fails, read the instructions.Murphy's Laws on technology|If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.Murphy's Laws on technology'Everything that goes up must come down.Murphy's Laws on technologyGAny instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.Murphy's Laws on technology=Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.Murphy's Laws on technologyLBuild a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.Murphy's Laws on technologyXThe degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.Murphy's Laws on technologyThe day after you buy the fastest new modem, they will change the standard so that your modem can only talk to modems of the same brand (only 100 of which were ever sold)."Murphy's Laws on the on-line worldThe factory will ship the wrong manual with your modem and you will spend hours finding and setting dip switches that aren't even on your modem."Murphy's Laws on the on-line world_However the modem comes set from the factory, it will be the WRONG way to work on your machine."Murphy's Laws on the on-line worldNo matter what solution you devise to fix a problem with your modem, it will lead to the creation of at least four other problems."Murphy's Laws on the on-line worldWhenever a caller has problems using the BBS, the user will insist the problem is on the sysop's side and the sysop will insist the problem is on the caller's side."Murphy's Laws on the on-line worldIf you fail to follow the advice of more experienced modemers and use the same password on every BBS you call, someone will steal your password and make lewd comments about the sysop's mother on the boards you WERE on."Murphy's Laws on the on-line worldIf you DO follow the advice of more experienced modemers and use a totally different password on every BBS you call, you will forget the password of the board where your date has left a message telling you where to meet them tonight."Murphy's Laws on the on-line worldYour spouse, who rarely visits you at your computer, will stop by at the exact moment you've receive a flirtatious page from another user...You REALLY have never chatted with them before!"Murphy's Laws on the on-line worldEΌhb0If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.Murphy's Laws on lovegAvailability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.Murphy's Laws on loveGSex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.Murphy's Laws on loveOWhen a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.Murphy's Laws on love.Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.Murphy's Laws on lovegThe qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.Murphy's Laws on love1When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.Murphy's Laws on love/Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.Murphy's Laws on loveHBefore you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.Murphy's Laws on love)Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.Murphy's Laws on loveLove is a hole in the heart.Murphy's Laws on loveIf the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.Murphy's Laws on love:Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.Murphy's Laws on loveDo it only with the best.Murphy's Laws on love(One good turn gets most of the blankets.Murphy's Laws on love5Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.Murphy's Laws on love@βȢ`jhDIt is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.Murphy's Laws on love7Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.Murphy's Laws on love=Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.Murphy's Laws on loveOA woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.Murphy's Laws on loveAA man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn'+t love her.Murphy's Laws on loveLThere is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.Murphy's Laws on love9Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.Murphy's Laws on loveFriendly fire - isn't.Murphy's Laws on combatRecoilless rifles - aren't.Murphy's Laws on combatSuppressive fires - won't.Murphy's Laws on combat;You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.Murphy's Laws on combatBA sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.Murphy's Laws on combat-If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.Murphy's Laws on combat\Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.Murphy's Laws on combat4If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike.Murphy's Laws on combatEƶzԢ˜ΠCTeamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.Murphy's Laws on combatDon't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.Murphy's Laws on combat2Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.Murphy's Laws on combatIIf you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.Murphy's Laws on combatAWhen you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.Murphy's Laws on combat#Incoming fire has the right of way.Murphy's Laws on combat0No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.Murphy's Laws on combat0No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.Murphy's Laws on combat)If the enemy is within range, so are you.Murphy's Laws on combatPThe only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.Murphy's Laws on combat7Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.Murphy's Laws on combatGThings that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.Murphy's Laws on combat2Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.Murphy's Laws on combatMRadar tends to fail at night and in bad weather (and especially during both).Murphy's Laws on combat6Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.Murphy's Laws on combatLMake it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.Murphy's Laws on combatDb1҆`v|Tracers work both ways.Murphy's Laws on combatrIf you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.Murphy's Laws on combatHWhen both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.Murphy's Laws on combatOProfessional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.Murphy's Laws on combat)Military Intelligence is a contradiction.Murphy's Laws on combat1Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.Murphy's Laws on combatWeather ain't neutral.Murphy's Laws on combat;If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.Murphy's Laws on combat>Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.Murphy's Laws on combat2If it flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.Murphy's Laws on combat.The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.Murphy's Laws on combat!Napalm is an area support weapon.Murphy's Laws on combat$Mines are equal opportunity weapons.Murphy's Laws on combat,B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.Murphy's Laws on combat,Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.Murphy's Laws on combat1Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.Murphy's Laws on combatEn-zԖE0The one item you need is always in short supply.Murphy's Laws on combatInterchangeable parts aren't.Murphy's Laws on combatqIt's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.Murphy's Laws on combat#When in doubt, empty your magazine.Murphy's Laws on combat)The side with the simplest uniforms wins.Murphy's Laws on combat;Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.Murphy's Laws on combat6If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.Murphy's Laws on combatcNever stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.Murphy's Laws on combatVThe most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.Murphy's Laws on combat7Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.Murphy's Laws on combatPEverything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.Murphy's Laws on combat1The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.Murphy's Laws on combat@One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.Murphy's Laws on combat 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.Murphy's Laws on combat`Body count Math --> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.Murphy's Laws on combatYThe bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.Murphy's Laws on combat:All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.Murphy's Laws on combatcThe combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.Murphy's Laws on combatThe crucial round is a dud.Murphy's Laws on combat2Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.Murphy's Laws on combat/There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.Murphy's Laws on combatXDon't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.Murphy's Laws on combatgIf your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.Murphy's Laws on combat=If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it.Murphy's Laws on combatIIf your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.Murphy's Laws on combatJDensity of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.Murphy's Laws on combat1Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.Murphy's Laws on combatVThe more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.Murphy's Laws on combatNEl|vThe self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).Murphy's Laws on combat3There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.Murphy's Laws on combatSSuccess occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.Murphy's Laws on combatZThe enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.Murphy's Laws on combatWhenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.Murphy's Laws on combat:As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.Murphy's Laws on combat7Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.Murphy's Laws on combatlThe seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.Murphy's Laws on combatWalking point = sniper bait.Murphy's Laws on combatPYour bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.Murphy's Laws on combat\If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.Murphy's Laws on combat$If the enemy is in range so are you.Murphy's Laws on combat!All or any of the above combined.Murphy's Laws on combatTF vԊ 3If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.Murphy's Laws on general topicsIf you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.Murphy's Laws on general topics8Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.Murphy's Laws on general topicsNIf everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.Murphy's Laws on general topics)Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.Murphy's Laws on general topicsMother nature is a bitch.Murphy's Laws on general topicsKIt is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.Murphy's Laws on general topicsHWhenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.Murphy's Laws on general topics#Every solution breeds new problems.Murphy's Laws on general topics1Enough research will tend to support your theory.Murphy's Law of ResearchEThe legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.Murphy's Law of CopiersWhen there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that:the two cars are going in opposite directions they will always meet at the bridge.Murphy's Law of the Open Road Things get worse under pressure.Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics:The Murphy Philosophy: Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.Murphy's Laws on general topicsJQuantization Revision of Murphy's Laws: Everything goes wrong all at once.Murphy's Laws on general topicsB An expert @-Do it onlypIf an expeIf you perPMurphy wasQuantizati0The comple The opulenWe don't kBpAny circuiAny given Any instruAny simpleAny sufficAnything t^Anything yAs a compuAs soon as>ASCII stup!AvailabilimB-52s are 3Bad commanBeer Math (Before youBest file Body countBrains x B:BUFFERS=20Build a sy2C:\> Bad cuCombat wilComputers Computers Corollary:Corollary:Density of-Do it onlyError read5Error: KeyEthernet (B0Murphy's CMy softwarkNapalm is Nature alw1Never arguRNever drawCNever forg2Never lie ANever shar$Never sleewNever stanNever tellNew systemNice guys(VNo combat WNo inspect No matter No matter No matter INo OPLAN eNobody youNothing evNothing isNothing moOdd object|One enemy .One good t?Press CPress any cProfessionQuantizatiB@(A)bort, ((A)bort, (7... File n2 + 2 = 5 2400 Baud }A clean (aA complex A computerA failure A mainfram4A man can A meeting A Purple HMA retreati<A sucking A truly gr3A woman neAccess denAfter all hAir defensAirstrikesAll computAll great All or anyAll the goAll thingsAll's wellAll-weatheAlways draAn expert Enter any BfWeather ai#When a manWhen all ebWhen both sWhen in doWhen revie&When the lWhen thereTWhen you hWhen you hWhenever a Whenever aWhenever yWhenever yWhenever yWho's Gene4Why doesn'Will the iWindows: JWork smard;You are noYou can neYou will aYour bivouYour spousWindows: JWork smard;You are noYou can neYou will aYour spousBPIf anythin?If at firsIf builderIf debuggiIf enough If everythiIf it flie If it seemIf it's no=If it's stIf mathemaIf only on+If the effXIf the eneIf the eneIf the pervIf the PlaIf there iIf there i@If you areSIf you areIf you cangIf you canIf you DO If you faiIf you perBaIf you takIf your amDIf your atIf your flIf your poIn designi<In Win95 yUIncoming fqInterchang0It is bettIt is impoIt is imporIt's not toKilling foLaw of theLeft to thLeft to thLogic is a*Love is a ,Love is a /Love is th6Love is th)Love your _Make it todMilitary IlMines are Money can'Mother natMurphy waslMines are Money can'B ]Radar tend\Radios wilRAM disk iReal progr9Recoilless"Sex appeal'Sex discri8Shell to DSmash forenSniper's mSome peopl6Southern DSuccess oc:SuppressivPTeamwork iTechnologyTell a manThe amountThe attentThe best tThe burstijThe CavalrThe combatThe compleThe day afThe DefiniThe degreeOThe easy wEThe enemy FThe enemy {The enemy BDon't everQDon't look;DOS=HIGH, Enough resEnter any Error read5Error: KeyEthernet (Every commEvery kindEvery soluEverythingEverythingzEverythingyExceptionsField expeFill what'KFive seconFor every eFortify yo8Friendly fGive all o9Hidden DOSHit any us However thIf a file If an expeIf the pervIf the PlaIf there iIf there i@The perfecThe primar%The qualitThe self-iThe serioutThe side wThe tough The weapon~The worse There is a5There is nJThere is nLThere is nThere is nThings get[Things thaZThings whiThose who To err is To spot thTo steal i`Tracers wo>Try to looUnder the Walking poWe don't k@  OO  OO'! 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